Why Are You In Pain?

A Journey Beyond Symptom Management

Battling With The Monster Depression

The monster Depression
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The Very Frustrating, Teary-eyed,
Not Particularly Horrible Day

It hasn’t been a particularly good day. Not a horrible day, but not a good day either. As I write this, I’m wiping tears from my eyes. This is truly a rare occasion.  The monster Depression rarely hits me.

It takes quite a while, and quite a bit a frustration for me to feel like this. Usually, just like now, it isn’t any one particular thing. It’s just the culmination of things.

I am usually a pretty happy person. I’m always trying to be positive, and I don’t stay focused on negatives. I’m constantly trying to encourage myself to do better.

The Monster Depression Attacks

So the once in a blue moon that the monster Depression hits me, I do everything I can to just keep going. I try to ignore the feeling or talk myself through it like I’m talking some sense into myself.

That worked for a little while earlier today. I managed to talk myself out of feeling totally hopeless. Fear keeps trying to attack me for what, in reality, are small issues.

And there are many of these that have built themselves into the monster Depression and have been trying to attack me for months. They have been slowly eating away at me in random thoughts throughout the day.

I’m feeling stuck. The thing about being stuck is that if you cannot get unstuck, it can result in pain; both mental and physical over time. It’s the same battle as before.

I actually smiled just now, realizing this. The enemy’s attacks are always the same. It’s either lust of the eyes, the lust of the flesh or the pride of life. I think my issue is the pride of life. Not that I have anything to have pride over, mind you.

Creation Frustration

My bout with the monster Depression has more to do with the mark I want to leave. It’s about creation frustration. I wonder if God experienced that?

I’m sure he wasn’t happy, after creating a world; this universe for us, and then having to suffer the insult of an uprising. I know God was far above all of that activity and the archangel Michael handled it and kicked Lucifer out of the heavens.

Isa 14:12 How art thou fallen from heaven, O Lucifer, son of the morning! how art thou cut down to the ground, which didst weaken the nations!Isa 14:13 For thou hast said in thine heart, I will ascend into heaven, I will exalt my throne above the stars of God: I will sit also upon the mount of the congregation, in the sides of the north:
Isa 14:14 I will ascend above the heights of the clouds; I will be like the most High.
Isa 14:15 Yet thou shalt be brought down to hell, to the sides of the pit.

But, having insult turn to injury as Lucifer hit the earth like a comet, and caused it to become dark and devoid of life, must have been at least slightly annoying, in my mind. After all, God creates in light, and with life; so I know the darkness and void condition came after the original creation.

A Blotch On Perfection?

If God had the mind of men (or someone like me), I’m sure he would have been a little miffed with having to redo everything He had so brilliantly thought up and laid out. The design of the universe(s) had a blemish. There was a blotch on the map of perfection He had created. It had to be fixed; in fact, it was crucial. That was the planet planned for the birth of mankind.

But, I’m sure that God, being God, anticipated all of this. The ultimate planner. He knew about the iniquity in Lucifer long before the name change to Satan became necessary. God plans for every contingency; unlike us. But, that is the advantage of being Almighty.


Realizing this takes me back to my initial frustration. It is always issues over time. The monster of Depression usually starts looming when I get focused on time issues.

I get frustrated because I feel like I’m moving in slow motion and not making enough progress in my own creation focus. I feel like time is slipping away from me, and I don’t want to leave this realm without leaving a legacy.

Having setbacks that cause me to have to redo several weeks of work adds to my time-related issues. This is usually what brings the monster of Depression, because I feel like a car stuck in the mud, with my wheels turning, but going nowhere.

Perhaps I’m just feeling my age. The specter of mortality is closer now. This morning I was contemplating how many people don’t have any thought about tomorrow, let alone about their impending escape from this dimension. No one wants to think about leaving this life.

Finishing The Race

I don’t think my problem is losing it. My issue is finishing my race well. I want to know that I completed my purpose. That I succeeded in what God intended when He placed me here. I want to know that I was able to help a lot of people.

Despite the rise of the monster of Depression, I’m fully cognizant that my frustration is temporary. I will succeed with the purpose God gave me, and that is to help all of you. I can’t stop. Quitting is not an option, no matter what the setbacks are.

I haven’t been able to work on my goals and the main focus of my passion for almost all of last week. There were too many other issues I had to deal with. That’s why I was frustrated. I feel like time is precious, and I wasn’t able to utilize it the way I wanted.

I know that I will push forward because I have to. I’m not weak; just having a moment. Besides, God doesn’t give assignments to his servants that can’t be fulfilled and brought to fruition. I believe God. That’s completely different from believing God exists or believing in God. Believing God puts you on a whole other level.

Having A Moment

That’s why I’m only having a moment. I know who my provider is. I’m confident I can trust in Him. I know who has the whole world in His hands; especially, my whole world. This is why the monster of Depression can’t hold me down for long.

The only escape from that monster Depression is knowing without any doubt, that God’s got you. Having that level of faith means that you understand that God will take care of you. He will provide for you. You have to know your Source.

My pastor saw an entire loaf of bread sitting on the highway. If God would provide an entire loaf of bread for the birds, why would any of us have to worry about him providing for us? Do you believe God? Do you believe his word entirely? That is what restores one’s faith and shrinks the monster of Depression.

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